You're jokes
What does your mom say when she is working?
Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.
I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big, fat blow job.
What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
How do you get a white girl to suck your dick?
Put ranch dressing on it.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
You are so scary that even your hairline ran away.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
What is the difference between a microwave and a gay guy?
A microwave doesn’t brown your meat.
What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What do women and KFC have in common?
After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Your hairline is so bad that KSI's hairline actually looks normal.
How do you turn a cat into a fish?
Tell your girl not to wash down there.
Your hairline is like the economy, it's going down.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
What’s worse than banging your sister?
Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.
yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."