You're jokes

A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"

What did the rapper say to the microphone?

"You're my closet confidant!"

Motivational quote for today: if you think you're dumb, you're probably overestimating your intellectual abilities...

Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...

Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"

Friend: "Your blood pressure!"

What did the beat say to the rapper?

"You're off rhythm, but I'll give you a hand!"

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

"Mhm... So you're gay?" -Darling

What did the rapper say to his broken pencil?

"You're just not SHARP enough for my lyrics!"

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"

Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?

A. May your baby rest in pieces.

I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.

A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.

Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.

I may not be your cup of tea, but I am definitely your 10th shot of tequila.

What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

What do you call your retard friend?

A homie with an extra cromie.