You're

You're jokes

I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.

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    • Teacher: Here, have candy.

    Kid: No, I’m too fat.

    Teacher: Shut up, or I’m gonna fail you.

    *Next week*

    Teacher: Okay kids, get off the floor and go back to your seats.

    Kid: I’m too fat to get up.

    Teacher: Don’t you remember what I said?

    Kid: Yep, elephants don’t forget.

    I found a place before called an orphanage, but when I was allowed in there were lots of kids, and I said, "Where's your parents? Oh yeah, you're orphans." Gosh, that was one heck of a day!

    If you're serious, congratulations on getting this far in life with absolutely no comprehension of reality.

    If you had this kind of knowledge about driving a car, you'd be sitting 30 feet away from it, throwing pieces of pickles at a barn and shouting ‘shazam’ into an empty iPhone case, wondering why the car wasn't moving.

    Gregg says to his friend, who is a girl, and says, "Hey, umm, do you, umm, want to do something?"

    And the girl says, "Umm, sure, why not?"

    Gregg says, "Well, then we have to go somewhere secretive."

    The girl says, "Umm, well, ok."

    Gregg says, "Great!" So Gregg brings Sally to a tree so no one can see them, and then Sally says, "So what are we going to do behind this big tree?"

    Gregg says, "Well pull down your pants, and I'll show ya."

    Sally says, "Ok, it sounds fun!" And then Gregg pulls his pants down and tells Sally to lay on the ground. Then he puts his dick in Sally's pussy, and he goes up and down, up and down, up and down, and then Sally starts to moan more and more, and then suddenly a teacher hears her moan, and then the teacher sees what Gregg and Sally are doing, and then the teacher gets in on it, and both Gregg and Sally start fucking the teacher, and then the teacher moans, and then the whole school makes their own sex groups, and the whole school has threesomes...

    THE END

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    • What's the one upside to being an orphan?

    You never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

    What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"

    "For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"

    There was a man named Matt that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go ahead."

    Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."

    Priest, "How so?"

    Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just rubbed each other, that's all."

    Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box!"

    Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."

    Then Matt walks out the door.

    Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

    Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in."

    Okay, is this the new thing, saying "Gwen" in your "joke," then people will comment and you can make more friends? If so, then I really need to be saying "Gwen" more in my "jokes or chats."

    When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.

    Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:

    Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."

    Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"

    Comedian: "I'm not tr-"

    Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"

    Comedian: "I-"

    Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"

    Jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool. Then Jack came in and asked Jill if she wanted to ride in his new car. She said, "I have to think." Then Jack said, "At least let me buy you a drink." After 5 drinks, he asked again. This time she said yes, so they got in the car and Jack and Jill rode up a hill to Jack's home. Then Jack said, "Close your eyes, I got a surprise!" So Jack lead Jill to his room then said, "Open your eyes!" So Jill opened her eyes, then Jack got them some red wine. Jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and Jack said, "I know you wanna." She said, "No way!" So Jack gave her one more drink, then she passed out. Then Jack ripped all his clothes off. Then he did the same to Jill. Then he did it till 3am.

    Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."