Your mom jokes
Your mom is so hairy that King Kong got jealous of her.
Your mom's so poor, she chased the garbage truck with her grocery list.
Violets are blue, roses are red.
Last night your mom was giving me head.
Your mom is so poor, she buys used food.
Your mom's my dad. Think about that!
Kidnapper: Hey kid, your mom told me to follow me.
Orphan: But I don't have a mom!
What did your mom get for Christmas?
A big black horse dildo.
Your mom is so stupid, she thought eating ass was cannibalism.
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
Your hairline and your mom go way back.
Your mom is so fat Thanos had to snap twice.
Your mom sings "It's the Final Countdown" while pooping.
Your dad is your mom.
You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
Orphan: I fucked your mom.
Kid: At least mine survived from it.
When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your mom's house.
Knock knock.
You: Who's there?
Your new father!
Your mom!
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell him, "Clap your hands until your mom comes."