You know what’s traumatizing?
Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.
Help!
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."
Your mom is pregnant and you're the father.
Your mom sings "It's the Final Countdown" while pooping.
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
You wonder and you wonder. Grandma said you better go to bed now. Tell your dad and grandpa, and your dad and your mom.
"Squid Game" doll be like: "Gugu la gu, your mom, my balls!"
Bully: Your mom hates you.
Orphan: I don't have parents ;)
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.
My mom: "Dear, I don't know why your grandma is spending more time with her friend Carla, can you spy on her?"
Me: "Your mom gay lol."
My mom: "Don't talk about your grandma like that, you rude girl."
You: "Your mom gay lol."
Why did your mom cross the road? Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.
What do you call a mom that is yours? Your mom!
Rose are red voliets are blue I saw your mom beat you.
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.
Depression: Here, your mom just died.
Me: My mom is already dead.
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
Your mom is so fat that she mains Heavy from the game Team Fortress 2!
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.
Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.
