Your mom jokes
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. And your mom is, too.
Your mom is so poor, she buys used food.
Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.
Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.
Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I donât hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didnât laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, Iâd be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause thatâs where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my momâs boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesnât want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friendâs girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasnât home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked whatâs going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
Your mom is so fat she was the reason why the Titanic crashed.
Your mom and your dad.
Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.
POV: You're an orphan.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your mom.
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and sheâll say the same thing, honey. đ
Your mom #69.
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
Jimmy: Your mom is gay.
Me: No, you.
Jimmy: I have no mom.
You're so skinny, your mom actually enjoyed your birth!
"Where are my balls? Down in your mom."
What did the cow say to your mom?
Hello.
You're so ugly your mom and dad abandoned you, and you went to the adoption center, and not even the adoption center would take you or let you in.