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I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”

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    • Biden: Shut up, Trump, disrespectful!

    President: You are the one with the inappropriate hair touching, bro. 😎😎😎😎😎😎

    Biden: -laughs hard because sloppy Joe can't do anything.

    When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎

    You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.

    A teacher asked his students a math question.

    "You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"

    After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.

    "One dollar!" she said.

    Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!

    You: Why? I don't have any.

    When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.

    God- make a grumpy old man president.

    Angel- why?

    G- cause I said so-name him Trump.

    A- okay.

    G- make him not pay taxes.

    A- okay...

    Fast forward to 2020

    G- you know that grumpy old man?

    A- yea...

    G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.

    A- Krona.

    G- exactly.

    A- why do you hate humans so much?

    G- because I can.

    Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.

    What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.