If you're depressed and you're crying, like this joke.
You Jokes
What do you call Greg in your class? Obese.
"Prince???? Where are you??? I might have to go to bed for real, but I just wish we could talk at night. Why don't we anyway? (I love you so much!)"
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."
Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.
How do you fit a baby into a shoebox?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Tortilla chips.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?
Matt.
What do you say to a kid in a trash compactor?
You looking a little square.
Did you know the "f" in "orphan" stands for family because there is no "f" in orphan.
You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.
Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Or,
"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.
The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."
The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"
How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?
Tie the bungee cord around his neck.
When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.
šš
Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.
Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!
Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!
Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!
A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."
"Prince, I'm ready to chat when you are. I'm in bed, so yeah, let's chat! Love you!"
"I was walking in the yard yesterday and a bug stepped on me. Why, you ask? Because the bug didn't know I was there."
What are two things you could call a fart?
"Gas from the ass" or "Odor from the motor!"
