A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."
What do you call a group of chubby trans-genders?
Trans-fats.
What do you call a blind German?
A Nazi.
I'll never forget my Grandad's last words... "Son, where did you get a grenade from?!"
Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."
Hello, I am typing with the microphone, euros, hello bro and 0LXDXD bra, that’s funny, and also you are gay. Ha ha ha ha ha, get it done by eight.
What did one squirrel say to the other? "Do you have any nuts?"
What does a kid say to an orphan, "Where are your parents?"\n\n"I don’t have parents. Where are yours? Are you an orphan like me? I hope not!"
The reason why you have a high pitched voice is because you always sing opera.
Whoever is reading this, I hope you have a good day because I feel bad you're so short.
You smell like a monkey, and you might have to take a shower, pu.
Did you know Helen had a playhouse in her backyard? Neither did she!
What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
One day you see a girl climb a pole and ask her, "Why are you climbing that pole?" "Because a boy paid me to." "He did that to see your underwear." "Oh. Ok."
The next day you see her do the same thing. "Why are you doing the same thing?" "Well, I got him this time. I did not wear underwear."
Perfect dinner joke.
Did you hear about the new movie, "Constipated?"
It hasn’t come out yet.
Hey Prince, let's chat here, okay? Love you!
(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!
I have two things I wanna say:
1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.
2. wtf
What can happen if you bring a hooker into a stranger's house? He will ask you, "Really, are you nuts?"
