You Jokes

Threat

Nina, you better run to hell. You're going there anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You don't be mean to Alex!!!!!!!!!!! He is sweet, kind, loving, and protective!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Freezer

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Grenade

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

Shit

Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?

Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?

Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.

Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.

  • 4
  • Teacher

    A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.

    The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

    The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

    *Principal:* What is 3+3?

    *Boy:* 6.

    *Principal:* 6+6.

    *Boy:* 12.

    The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

    *Madam:* What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

    *Boy:* Legs.

    *Madam:* What is in your trousers that I don't have?

    *Boy:* Pockets.

    *Madam:* What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

    *Boy:* Coconut.

    *Madam:* What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?

    The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge

    *Boy:* Bubble gum.

    *Madam:* You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

    *Boy:* Tent.

    *The principal was looking restless*

    *Madam:* A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

    *Boy:* Wedding ring.

    *Madam:* I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

    *Boy:* Nose.

    *Madam:* I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

    *Boy:* Arrow.

    *Principal:* O MY GOD.

    *Madam:* What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?

    *Boy:* Fork.

    *Madam:* What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

    *Boy:* Surname.

    *Principal:* Ohooo !

    *Madam:* What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

    *Boy:* Heart.

    *Principal:* Eeeeeh! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"

    ACE

    So an ace gets handed a piece of paper and it says, "Do you like me or no?" and the ace says, "I'm not registered to vote!" Hahahahahahahahjajqh.

    Guy

    Hey guys, I haven't been on in like freaking forever! Sorry. Anyways, I love you, Emerald! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I hope you're on!

    Love you all. Hope you all have a nice day, Best regards, Koko, <3

    Wife

    A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.

    One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."

    Friend

    To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.

    Dick

    I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.

    Dick

    "My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.

    Cocaine

    You're snorting cocaine with your buddies. Your eyes are closed, feeling the bliss of drugs, when suddenly something wet touches your nostril. Your buddy Mark stuck his PENIS in your face. You look up at Mark, and he says, "I'm sorry," and runs away, his pants still down.

    Pee

    A man goes for a pee in a haunted house.

    He unzips his pants at the urinal when a man dressed as a goblin chuckles next to him. "You got a small dick, buddy," the man says to him.

    Friend

    Hi, people. I really need a friend. Can someone please be my friend? Say in comments if you will.