You jokes

What do you call a white person having a seizure?

A vanilla shake.

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.

When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."

Alya, do you have Discord?

I nailed my sister's... picture on the wall.

You dirty-minded bastard!

Do you ever wonder why orphans buy small cereal boxes? It's because they can't get family size.

Child: *drinking milk*

Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?

Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.

Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.

Child: *realizes*

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"The FBI."

"The FBI who?"

"Are you dumb? It's the f#cking FBI, now open up!"

Do you know who Helen Keller is?

Neither did she.

What's the difference between a government and a pawn shop?

They lower you.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.

Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”

If you are having sex and your feet are out of the tent, it doesn't count.

Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?

Hello people, my name is Osama.

I'm back from the dead and I want to blow you.

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

I see what you did there.

Ok, so I know most or all of you guys hate me, and that's fine. You guys most likely know me as a horrible person, which I don't know where you would hear that from.

And finally, I am truly a good person; you just need to know me better. The only reason I fought Tina and Jack was because I was trying to be nice to another guy. Then I realized what side I should have been on. I'm pretty sure everyone on this hates me. Just I'm sorry, and just forgive me. Alya, Tina, Jack, and someone else, I think all are nice people; they just stick up for each other, and that's what I realized. So if you still hate me, it's fine; I'll be leaving this app soon, maybe. Hate makes me sad, even though I use it, but I know what was wrong. I want to join the good side, so just give a chance. This was watersharky's Apologies.

Kiss a girl on the forehead make her happy for a day.

If you give her anal you'll make her whole weak.

What gives you the power to walk through a wall?

A door.