Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"
You Jokes
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.
A girl asked her mom, "Why is my name Walmart?"
Her dad replied and said, "Because that’s where you were made."
Girl: How much do you love me?
Me: Count the stars in the sky.
Girl: Aww, it's infinite!
Me: No, just a waste of time.
What's the difference between you and me?
I have a plan for this new year.
So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
You heard of Spider-Man: No Way Home. Now get ready for:
Orphan: No Way Home.
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
Do you want to hear a dark joke? Let me turn the lights off.
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
A teacher walked up to me and said, "How did we get butt cracks?"
I was like 4, so I said, "You had an earthquake on your booty."
Bootylicious lol
Me: You know your parents were very good people.
Orphan: Wow, I didn’t know that.
Me: I know, you're an orphan.
I said to the orphan, "Do you want me to take you to your family? Oh wait..."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
IBC.
IBC who?
I'll be seeing you later.
Your mom is so ugly her face would split in half when she sees you.
Why shouldn't you say "I hate you" to your parents?
Ask an orphan.
A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"
