I'd hit you, but if I did, I'd go to jail for animal abuse.
You Jokes
What do you call an Indian lesbian?
Mingeeta.
Do you know the teacher that went up into space?
You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."
Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.
What do you and orphans have in common?
Nobody loves you.
What do you and Joe Biden have in common?
Nobody loves you or him.
What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?
Ian.
Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
I would roast you, but I'm not supposed to burn trash.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.
POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"
Are you suicide? Because you are always on my mind.
Q: What do you call 6 gay men in the army?
A: Rainbow Six Siege.
"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."
Me:.....
How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?
His face was chiseled in a mountain.
Don't be sad if you miss a shot when you yell "Kobe." He didn't make it either.
When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
My best opinion: when life goes to hell, you just go down with it.
