You jokes
Do you know the phrase, "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
Once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. They came to a cliff and the brunette said, "If you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it." So the brunette jumped off and said "falcon" and became a falcon. The redhead jumped off and said "eagle" and became an eagle. The dumb blonde ran, was about to jump, but tripped on a rock, and said "crap."
What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?
School shooter.
*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?
girl: Are you saying I'm fat?
My family is like treasure. You need a shovel and a map to find them.
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
When you get home and see your parents with your grades in their hands.
Twenty minutes later, they're slapping you with the belt.
When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.
When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.
Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
Charger: Yo, Phone.
Phone: Yeah?
Charger: Can I plug all in you?
Phone: Ayooo!
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
What do you say if you are raped once but feel raped twice?
"I was raped raped."
I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!
Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"