You jokes

Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.

What does a polite mouse say?

"Cheese and thank you."

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.

Don't make fun of the emo kid, or he's gonna bring his friends and you gotta fight the Suicide Squad.

What you call suicide, I call a failed speedrun attempt.

My friend's 4-year-old daughter made up this joke.

What kind of poo should you put in your hair?

Shampoo.

"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"

One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."

Yo mama so stupid, you could not even be born because of her idioticness.

One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey, what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, it has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, it has moved twice so he sinned twice." The man asks, "Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office-- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."

Roses are red, violets are blue, the stonks are high, and so are you.

Mirrors don't lie, and lucky for you, they don't laugh.

How can you tell that a website was made by an orphan?

It doesn’t have a home page.

You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.

Like if you don't have a dad.

Like if you have a dad.

What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.

What do you call a Mexican who's lost his car?

Carlos.

I have 206 bones. When I look at you, I have 207.