You jokes

Dad joke time:

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

A milkshake.

How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?

"No, you hang yourself first..."

Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?

Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."

What do you do when you are angry with an orphan? Hit them.

It's not like they can tell their parents.

What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.

A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.

The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.

The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”

You're so fat that when you go on a walk with your friends, it looks like they are orbiting you.

What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!

What do you call a gay kid on fire?

My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.

So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”

I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂

COBRA GRINDSET OF THE DAY: Depression isn't real. You feel sad, you move on.

You will always be depressed if your life is depressing. Change it, bitch!

Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.

"Shout out to entity...welcome to hell!"

"Every time I see your icon I vomit lol."

"Get a life... hey I'm violet olivegarden how can I help you if you need me to disc someone ill help..."

What is the difference between underaged privileged children with bone cancer and you?

I like you!

Hi guys, jokes for sister.

So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.

I may not be the brightest candle on the cake, but you can still blow me.

Look behind you, there is Stephen Hawking.

Nobody.

What do you call an Arab flying a plane?

A pilot.

You racist fuck!