Did you hear about the "Funny Doctor"?
He'll have you in "Stitches"!
You Jokes
What do you call a male prostitute in a bar...
Handy Andy.
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
Orphan: Asks you random joke. What is the difference between my boomerang and my parents?
Me: The boomerang came back.
What do you call an autistic kid with orange hair?
A boomerang.
What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!
What does a nun say when you ask too many questions?
"Nunya business!"
What do you call a priest that likes juice?
A Capriest Sun.
A teacher wanted to sing, so she did. This is what she said:
"You have no family, even though you're broker than me."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.
Haha, I fucked you over!
What do you do if your dick is smoking?
Get your mum to lick it.
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
"You need to cease, all those fat cuz u obese."
When life gives you melons, You’re probably dyslexic.
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
What do you call a transgender person? Nintendo Switch.
Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"
My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.
