A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.” “Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
Did you know that the first french fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
How do you make a lesbian upset?
Give her a multiplication test.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men Say can you get straight to the point
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama? A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
Have you ever thought about the fact that every market in Africa is a black market?
Your hairline is so far back that if you were a backbencher in class and I was a germ sitting on it, I would think that the rest of the backbenchers are seated in front of the class.
Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?
It goes right over their head.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed Where are the kids?
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia
What do you call a Mexican with one leg?
Border hopper.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?
Van Halen's "Jump."
What song do you play at a emo kids funeral House of Pain jump around
