The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
How are you?
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
When you see an "Autistic child zone" sign and say, "Oh! That wasn't a dog."
Hungry: Dad, I'm hungry.
Dad: Hi, Hungry, I'm Dad.
Hungry: Why did you name me like this? :/
What do you call a no "r"-med T-rex?
A T-ex.
Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison? He's a small medium at large.
What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
High definition or addictionary.
What do you call a deer with no eyes
No-eye-deer (no idea)
What do you call a fish without eyes?
-Fsh
If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?
0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.
You know, eBay sucks. I was looking for a lighter, and it gave me 18,906 matches.
Hey, guess what I got for my birthday.
No, what did you get? Older.
What place can you find a cow ~ Mc’Donalds (Eieio)
"Did you guys make sure Stephen was plugged in?"
HEY! You guys need to S T O P making Stephen Hawking jokes. He has done so much for the theoretical physics world, and THIS is how you choose to repay him? All 653 of you should be ashamed of yourselves.
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."
Joker: How did the skeleton know it was going yo rain?
Person: Because he felt it in his bones?
Joker: He read the weather forcast you f*cking idiot.
2019, where you can change your gender at a snap of a finger.
