You Jokes

Brother

When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.

Film

I heard they're making a film about Jimmy Savile, it's a very touchy subject.

I heard the film about is so boring it puts you to sleep.

Cannibal

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

Mom

A mom says to her son: "Hey, can you wave to that deaf kid over there?"

The son: "I don't know, can I?"

The mom: "May you?"

The son: "No, I don't have any arms!"

Boner

Teacher: *calls you up to the board*. You: Ok. *Gets intense boner* *has to fart really bad* You: F***!!!!!!!

Book

Salman Rushdie got a new book out.

It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."

Mama

Yo' mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: "Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?"

Dog

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?

"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩

Food

Why do the Greeks and Romans like food? Because food is good for you.

Time

If you eat a clock, then does that mean you’ve consumed time?