You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?
You're-a-peein'. European.
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"
Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"
You are in the airway, how funny!
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
You need to fuck off with this website. It's shit.
how do you fit 53 babies into a box. first get a blender...
Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother has diabetes.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?: She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff; they found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.
What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.
What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.
Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?
I think it got lockjaw after that.
What do you call a cross between a computer and a vampire bat?
Love at first byte! <3
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
what do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
a condescending con descending
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
Do you like all the jokes I’ve been “cracking?”
Will you remember me in 7 years?
(Yes)
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George!
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
What is sex? You put a sex person in someone’s sex.
