What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
You Jokes
A retard walks into a bar.
Bartender: Hey, retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard!
Thank you for listening to joke, sincerely - Jokeman87848584
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
What do you call a person with no eyebrows?
Ms. Burgos.
So, a neutron went to a bar. He asked the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender said, "For you, no charge."
Do you know who invented paper?
Cai Lun!
“RIP” Cai Lun.
What do you call a baby in the shower? A baby in the shower.
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.
What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?
CURRY in a hurry.
Why are you so tired if you can’t see? Because you are blind.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly? You kick his sister in the jaw.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"
Do you think the ocean is salty because the beach never waves back?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fourth of April.
Fourth of April who?
May the fourth be with you!
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.
Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
What did one droplet say to the other?
"Water you thinking?"
Jace: Haha, I won, dude. You suck at Monopoly!
Timmy: Let's play another game. *GUNSHOT* I guess I won!
Jace: *SCREAMS IN PAIN*
Timmy: What? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders!
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.