You jokes

Waiter

If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?

Depression

My friends: Ugh, why are you so lazy and no fun?

My parents: Why can't you be like your siblings?

My teacher: I don't care if you're depressed, focus on your study!

The songs: We understand you :)

  • 9
  • Julius Caesar

    You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"

    You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."

  • 5
  • Cop

    A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

    He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

    "I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

    The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

    And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

    Jesus

    The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

    Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”

    Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”

    Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”

    The teacher says, “How do you know this?”

    Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””

  • 6
  • Emo kid

    When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.

    Fall

    Did you fall from heaven? Or did you fall from the cliff up there?

  • 3
  • Emo kid

    What do you call a group of Emo kids?

    Suicide Squad.

    What jumps and never let's go?

    An Emo kid.

    I bet all Emos want to be like their biggest influencers some day.

    Dead.

    Why do Emos want to be the "Scene" these days?

    The only thing I've "Scene" from them is their suicide rate climbing, it's starting to climb quicker than they did to get to the top of whatever they jumped off.

    Emo

    If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?

    The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.

    Refrigerator

    What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

    The fridge don't fart when you take your meat out.

  • 5
  • Irony

    I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!

    Light

    Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    Worth

    You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.

    Money

    What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS?

    If you stop giving money to a church, you won't go to prison.

    Cinderblock

    There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"