You jokes
You are so ugly, when the Joker saw you, he stopped laughing.
You know what they call pineapples in Paris?
I don't know, what?
Anus.
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
A guard at a baseball stadium let in the pheasant, the chicken, and the duck. But he didn't let in the turkey. Why? Because four strikes and you are out!
What is the difference between Hilary Duff and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once.
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
If you're looking at this, then look behind you!
If you combine math and meth, you will become Einstein White.
What do you say to a clock?
"What time is it?"
Your hairline goes so far back you have to wear sunscreen.
What do you call a red potato?
A tomato. 🍅
(I know it's cringe!)
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Someone who COUNTS BARS all day!
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
I wanted to put this up so I could say goodbye to everyone that I chatted with, like Gwen or MEG... So, yea, see you next year after Friday.
Little Johnny comes down for breakfast because he lives on a farm, and his mother asks if he has done his chores or not.
"Not yet," says little Johnny, so he goes to feed the chickens, cows, and pigs. He ends up kicking the chickens, cows, and pigs and goes inside and asks why he got a dry bowl of cereal. His mother responds with, "I saw you kick the chickens, so no eggs for a week. I also saw you kick the pigs, so no bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cows, so no milk for a week either."
Little Johnny's father comes downstairs and kicks the cats. Little Johnny looks at his mother and says, "You want to tell him, or should I?"
What do you call a crackhead with no crack?
Pointless.
For the encore, we'd love to tell you a construction joke but... we're still working on it.
If water makes you laugh, then jokes make you pee.
Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.
Stop sign: If you speed, I'll call your parents.
Orphans: Going 180.