You jokes

My life.

Tell me when you get it.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!

The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”

Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”

Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”

The teacher says, “How do you know this?”

Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””

What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

The fridge don't fart when you take your meat out.

What are you good at?

Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.

What do a politician and a minister have in common?

Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.

A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."

Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"

What do you call a group of Emo kids?

Suicide Squad.

What jumps and never let's go?

An Emo kid.

I bet all Emos want to be like their biggest influencers some day.

Dead.

Why do Emos want to be the "Scene" these days?

The only thing I've "Scene" from them is their suicide rate climbing, it's starting to climb quicker than they did to get to the top of whatever they jumped off.

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?

The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.

Did you fall from heaven? Or did you fall from the cliff up there?

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 911 victims?

Well, probably their kneecaps.

Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.

When you realize you have depression, and depression realizes how stupid you were.

What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell.

Why were 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9. Then why was 10 afraid? Because it was between 9/11.

What do you think was going through the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43? Floor 44 💀💀

What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?

When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.