You jokes

My life.

Tell me when you get it.

My friends: Ugh, why are you so lazy and no fun?

My parents: Why can't you be like your siblings?

My teacher: I don't care if you're depressed, focus on your study!

The songs: We understand you :)

You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"

You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."

The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”

Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”

Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”

The teacher says, “How do you know this?”

Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””

What are you good at?

Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.

A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?

A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.

What do you call a group of Emo kids?

Suicide Squad.

What jumps and never let's go?

An Emo kid.

I bet all Emos want to be like their biggest influencers some day.

Dead.

Why do Emos want to be the "Scene" these days?

The only thing I've "Scene" from them is their suicide rate climbing, it's starting to climb quicker than they did to get to the top of whatever they jumped off.

When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

Did you fall from heaven? Or did you fall from the cliff up there?

If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?

The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.

What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

The fridge don't fart when you take your meat out.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!

What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell.

How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.

Woah man, you need to take a step back. Your hairline did, so I am sure you can.