You jokes
What do you call an ant with so much power?
A ter-mite.
Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?
A. A loaded potato.
What do you call a fish and a guitar?
Tunafish.
Welcome to Alex's orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em.
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
Hello everyone, I would just like to apologize for participating in the protest and everything else I said. I was wrong and have recently found a way to see all these jokes as funny. I hope that you all can forgive me. ALYA
With what do you stuff a dead parrot? His.
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Like petals in the wind, My heart dances for you.
My sister looks like Santa Claus.
"You are so pretty?"
"No, too many people!"
But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I tell you, you look pretty, but all you do is look like a poo.
Girl: "Dad."
Dad: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I am a prostitute."
Dad: "Yes."
Woman 2: "Dad."
Dad: "Right?"
Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."
Father: "God, do you love children?"
Boy: "Yes..."
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
What do you call a group of children who go on strike?
A minor's strike.
How do you measure a dog's temperature?
In barking grade!
What flour do you buy an orphan?
Self-raising flour.
DB: I'm the only shotgun with more than 1 barrel!
Lancaster: Are you sure about that?
DB: huh?
Lancaster: I have 4 barrels!
DB: WHAT!?
Penta Barrel: I got 5!
DB: *insert becoming uncanny*
Dual Hexagon shotgun: I got 12!
The others: HOW!?
*and that's how an argument started.*
Hey woah man, and Alya how are you guys? Oh and hbu jk master? How is life right now? Is it hard? You wanna talk?
Repeat after me: shut up; shut up; I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣