World jokes
Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry, everyone. I punched the wrong buttons, and we are heading to DC instead of New York, and we are about to run out of fuel." He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.
Donald faced the other four and orders:
"I'm the greatest leader of the world, and I'll make the decision. Tony, you go first. Our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging."
Tony jumps off.
"Francis, my friend, you go next. Pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me."
Francis jumps off.
Hillary faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history."
Hillary jumps off.
Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children, just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and..."
Greta interjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"
What's the smallest stick in the world?
Your man's dick.
Yo mama so fat that when Thanos tried to snap her out of the world, he couldn't do it, so instead, he clapped her out of the world.
Yo mama so fat, her swimming is Sea World.
What is the funniest hill in the world called? Hill-arious!
What is the oldest animal in the world?
A zebra—it is black and white.
Steel led to World War 2.
I can hear the whole world booing me.
Loud Korea noise.
Why was one afraid of every number in the world?
Because ONE wanted TWO get something THREE FOUR FIVE at the yard sale, but SIX was not there. SEVEN EIGHT NINE as well. When all but ONE remained, it got TENse.
Disabled people can help the world to get a printed copy of "Leaning Tower of Pisa," exactly leaned at an angle.
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
Sheep want to wool the world :)
Science gets you to the moon.
Religion flies you into buildings.
Make a wish.
Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.
Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!
What's the difference between a water bottle and Africa?
One has water; the other one doesn’t.
Africa.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
What's a cow's favorite war?
World War Moo.