Windows jokes

One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...

What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.

Yo momma's so fat, she rolled out the bed, out the room, down the stairs, smashed through the window, rolled down the road, and got stuck in the Grand Canyon.

My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

Which room has no doors and no windows?

When I give you the signal, I want you to roll down your window and call the oncoming cyclist a prick.

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"

When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.

What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?

"Windows shut down sound."

I felt a window break once. It was pane-full!

Why do crack heads like to do it doggy style?

So one can peep out window and one can peep on floor.

What's the difference between a blind man and a window?

The window can see through itself.

I just found out that one of the new Star Wars shows is going to be about the time that some malware overloaded all of their computers, and I can tell from the title that those computers use Windows!

It's called "The Bad Batch File!"

Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?

It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.

Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.

One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.

What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? Bob.

What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod.

Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.

Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.

He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.

Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.

Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.

Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.

When a kindergarten teacher asks a kid to sing the alphabet, he said "ab3defg." The teacher said, "Do you like 3D?" He said, "Yeah." The teacher yelled, "Okay, do you have a 3DS?" He said yes. The teacher goes into his bag and says, "Say ABCs or your 3DS will be destroyed." He says, "ab3defghijlmnopqrs." "Oh, he learned well." The teacher threw the 3DS out the window. The kid gets it, and it still works. Then he googles ABCs. It goes to YouTube and says, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz." The teacher is proud of the 3DS. The class went home telling parents.

Fucking Windows updates!