When jokes
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.
How are a gay guy and a refrigerator different?
When you pull the meat out of the refrigerator, it doesn’t fart.
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.
What did Allan say to William, his sister, when he stepped on his toe? "OWWW Mitosis."
What did Allan say to his sister bully when she stepped on his toe? "Mitosis!"
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? She gagged and moaned.
What did the dog say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? "Hey, mitosis!"
I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')
That moment when you realize you do not have a joke and someone ends up laughing at what you still wrote anyway.
When was the first Black Friday?
1619.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
What do people say to knights when they go to bed? Good knight!
A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
Two Trojan warriors were patrolling the streets of Troy at night. It was finally time for their duties to be relieved. When they went back to their houses, one Trojan fell in a puddle. "Nitrogen!" The other called. And the other responded coldly, “Good night.”
What does a skeleton say when he has lots of work?
"I have a ton of work, skele-ton."