When jokes
What time is it when you can walk home from school today and walk?
When you say, "I'm high!"
But then you fall off.
A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"
One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."
A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"
"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"
When is Father's Day?
Nine months before Mother's Day.
Your momma so fat, when she asked for a water bed, she got a concrete bed.
What time is it when you can drive home from phone?
I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"
If you spin a fidget spinner, You'll end up spinning it too fast. When you end up spinning it too fast, it will make you fly away. When you fly away, you'll end up in a tree. When you end up in a tree, you'll see that your friends are hanging out without you. When you see that your friends are hanging out without you, you'll run away in the woods because you're sad. When you ran away in the woods, you'll see a bear. When you see a bear, it will chase you. When the bear chases you, you'll build a fort to protect yourself. When you build a fort to protect yourself, you then notice you're lonely. You'll become friends with the bear. When you become friends with a bear, you'll start to act like a bear. When you start to act like a bear, you will become a bear.
DO NOT BECOME A BEAR! NEVER PLAY WITH A FIDGET SPINNER!
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?
When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.
What time is it when you cannot walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽
What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.
What time is it when you walk home from school? Time to rest.
What time is it when it gets dark out?
Bed time.
What is the difference between onions and babies?
I cry when I cut onions.
What time is it when a nurse's here?
It's nurse-thirty.
So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍
What did Hitler say when he was blindfolded?
I can Nazi!
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?
When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...