When jokes
A professional golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?"
"Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive."
"Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"
Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet!"
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
What do you call Jamieilyah when she is sleeping?
Sleeping Beauty.
What do you call Kyson when he is banned on PS4?
A depressed Indian boy.
Yo mama so fat, when she went sky diving everyone screamed "METEOR!!!"
When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.
What do you do when you see a wiener dog?
I like you wiener.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she took a bath, the water jumped out.
When your mom tells you to stop playing on the computer, you say, "Foot you!"
The pterodactyl went in my bathroom and peed.
When I was in the shower, I couldn't hear it. Why? Because the "p" is silent.
What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.
A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says, "Stop! I'm a magical tree. You can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks, then as he goes to swing the axe he says, "You may be a magical tree... But you will dialogue!"
What did the cat say when he took his new car for a test drive?
"Meoooow!"
What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Dam.
Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to get grapes off a bush, the bush says, "Bitch, I never thought they can grow that big!"
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
When you are stressing from homework, just do some skateboarding and kick butt.
POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.