When jokes
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
"Windows shut down sound."
Why did the knights laugh when they run?
The grass tickled their balls. 😅😂🤣
Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
Why did the midgets laugh when they run?
Because their balls dragged along the ground. 😅😂🤣
You know shit is going down when anything pumped up kicks related is brought into school.
Little Johnny was finishing up his homework when the teacher gave him an assignment for the day. The instructions were simple: compare two objects; we will work on contrast next week.
How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck? When you pull her pants, her ass.
A nut told me to eat him, so I did, but something weird happened. I turned into a nut, and when I poop, there were eggs there.
When is Donald Trump?
Your mom is so ugly. When she goes to the dentist, they make her face down.
Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.
What happened when the duck crossed the road?
It crossed the road.
What do ants use when they're stinky?
Deodorant.
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.
Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.
I was in Portugal enjoying my lunch when I saw a man choking! I wanted to save him, but a local stopped me. “That’s Penandes, he always chokes when it matters most and ghosts in big games.” True enough, Penandes’ Ghost emerged from his body! Poor Penandes, may he get well soon!
My son and I went on a tour to the Old Trafford Stadium. We were admiring the 76,000 seat arena when he suddenly pointed at the pitch.
“Dad, who is that man camping there?” I said, “Son, that is Bruno Penandes. He lives in that Penalty box. He only performs in small games.”
I woke up when I heard a strange noise coming from my kitchen.
I turned on the light, and I saw none other than the exposed flop GHOSTNALDO. He asked me if I had PenalTEA, his favorite drink. I said no and yelled, "There is a big game tomorrow!" and he disappeared.
I left Twitter for a while, and when I tried to log back in, I found out I was suspended. I realized it was a penalty for saying some prohibited words on Twitter.
Sadly, my idol Pristiano Penaldo took the penalty for me and he missed, and now I'm on my alt. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Penalties. Tap ins. Ghosting. Diving.
Long ago, the four lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Germans attacked. Only Penaldo, master of all four elements, could stop them, but when his country needed him most, he vanished.