When jokes

Orphan

  • What's the difference between an orphan dying and a bag of groceries being dropped?

    While most agree that both are unfortunate, people actually care when they drop their groceries.

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    Intruder

  • When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"

    Me: "Oh hell nah"

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    Dwarf

  • This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."

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    ID

  • When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?

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  • Mom

  • So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

    Diarrhea

  • Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

    When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

    I said, "I shit you not."

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    Man

  • A fat man meets a skinny man.

    The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."

    And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."

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    Kid

  • I thought that kid was walking cool when I had my ears shut. It turns out he was moaning.

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