Whats jokes
What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?
"I'd hit that."
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me." "What was your first impression on him?" "I told him, she calls me daddy too."
Person A: What do you call the dangly bit of an octopus?
Person B: Tentacles?
Person A: Ok *tickles person B ten times*
What is the state of California best for? Screwing everything up!
What is the state of Florida for? Rednecks for days!
What is the state of Texas for? Guns!
What is the state of Utah for? Mormons and Pligs baby! (I hate all of the religious stuff!)
What is the state of Idaho for? Calling other people Ho's, mostly!
What is the state of Nevada for? Ever heard of gambling?
What is the state of Delaware for? Literally anything that isn't exciting!
What is the state of New York for? In my state of mind, it's a song! (If you don't get this one, look up the song of New York State of Mind)
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.
When you when, the when at, when with you know, the you, you, that you ever, when... you dont know whats going on.
"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!
what's black and red and is a liquid?
my scars!
What do you get when you cross between Tailga and emo?
Tailighmo.
What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?
You can't wash your face in a buffalo.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
What is the difference between me and a knife?
The knife has a point.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
What is an orphan's family reunion called?
Me time.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A saltshaker.
What will make a depressed teenager happy?
A cliff.
So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”
What can fly underwater?
A mosquito in a submarine.
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?