Whats jokes
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
What are four ways a condom is like a Republican elephant?
1. It stands for inflation.
2. It limits production.
3. It encourages cooperation.
4. It gives you a feeling of security even though you know you're being screwed.
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
The mistletoaster
What did the tiger say to the bunny?
Nice to meat you!
What did the orphan say to the other? "Quick, Robin, to the Batmobile!"
What do you call an Indian that doesn’t smell?
Asif
What falls but never gets hurt? Snow.
What does Godzilla eat for dinner?
The dinner.
Me: Hey, apple.
Apple: What?
Me: Knife.
Apple: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
What does Michael Jackson like?
Teabags.
What do a man and a blonde do in bed?
Sleep!
What's the difference between an orphan and a pencil?
People actually have a use for one of them.
What do butts say?
"Help me, I'm getting wiped clean!"
What’s better than winning the Paralympics wheelchair race?
Walking.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
What goes up but never comes down?
Water in Australia.
What kind of instrument is always having to go potty?
A pee-ano/piano.