Whats jokes
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass.
What's harder than steel? Michael Jackson at a playground.
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
Q: What was the orphan's first phone?
A: The iPhone X because it had no home button.
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?
White vans.
I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂
What's the difference between a knife and my life?
A knife has a point.
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's dad? The clock comes back around.
What do you get when you cross a panhandler, a politician, a lobbyist, a prostitute, a sodomite, and a Jehovah's Witness knocking on your door at your house to convert you to their religion?
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak.
You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
What’s a cannibal's favorite takeaway shop?
The orphanage.
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”