Whats jokes

What do you get when you cross a panhandler, a politician, a lobbyist, a prostitute, a sodomite, and a Jehovah's Witness knocking on your door at your house to convert you to their religion?

What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's dad? The clock comes back around.

What is yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end.

What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.

What's the difference between drugs and kids?

I don't sell drugs.

An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.

"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."

Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.

The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.

The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".

Wife: "How would you describe me?"

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

Wife: "What does that mean?"

Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.

Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"

Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."

A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.

Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."

Q: What was the orphan's first phone?

A: The iPhone X because it had no home button.

What do you call a cow that just gave birth?

De-calf-inated.

What does a spy do when he's cold?

He goes under cover.

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?

Are you ready, kids?🤣

What is red and white and goes 200 mph?

A baby in a blender.

What’s a cannibal's favorite takeaway shop?

The orphanage.

My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.

What do you call your daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?

An ambulance.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special Forces.

What do you call a high school student?

Alone and depressed.