Whats jokes
Q: What do American beer and canoes have in common?
A: Fu@king close to water!
What's the difference between orphans and dogs?
Dogs get adopted.
What do Arby's and black women have in common? They both have the meats.
What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?
His ears.
What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?
Afgan-I-Stand.
Why can’t orphans learn about ancient Egypt?
Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.
What is stuck between a doorway?
Rebel Wilson.
Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture?
A: One uses one nail to hang.
Does money grow on trees? No.
What is money made of? Paper.
What is paper made out of? Trees!
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.
What did mum say when grandpa called?
Boomerang.
What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?
He said he was awfully touched!
What is the same with a duck and a bicycle? The handlebars--oh, except for the duck.
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
What is it about a beard and glasses that children find so sexy?
What do you call an under-the-weather seven?
A sick seven.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
What did a fat cow give you?
Homework.