Whats jokes
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
What's got 6 legs, 3 arms, and 3 heads?
The finish line at the Boston marathon.
What do you call a racist crow?
Jim.
What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
Wanna know what is offensive? I don't know, ask feminist (sans undertale).
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
What car does Hitler drive?
A Fuhrerri.
What do you call an African American pilot?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
What do terrorists do on 9/11? They have a game of Jenga.
What do you call a frozen communist?
Hammer and popsicle.
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.
What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake.
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
I'm logging out.