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What's a benefit of being an orphan? The chips always come in a family size :)

What do orphans call a family photo? A selfie.

What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek? "Together we can stop this shit!"

A couple has sex in the dark every single night.

One night, the wife gets curious about what goes on, so they start f...ing, and she flicks the light on. When she flicks the light on, she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy. She's so mad that she started ranting and raving. The husband says, "Honey, I know you're mad, and I'll explain the toy. Just do me one favor: explain the children."

I gave an orphan 5 dollars and I said, "Spend it on a candy bar." I came back 5 minutes later and he didn't have a candy bar. So I look over and I see that he has a piggy bank that has 40 dollars and I said, "Where did you get that?" He said, "For being homeless," and I said, "What are you going to spend it on?" He looked at me and said, "I'm going to pay money for a mother."

I asked my orphan friend to come to my house. He said he was confused because he didn't know what that is.

Robber 1: *gets shot in ass*

Robber 2: You have to shit in a bag for life lol.

Robber 1: What, the Tesco or Asda one?

What's the difference between twin towers and McDonald's?

One had a drive thru and the other had a fly thru.

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?

Matt!

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!