Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.
Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?
Angela: His name is Kevin.
Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?
Angela: I don't know.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
What part of the Earth does Helen Keller not have?
The sea.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples actually get picked.
What does a frozen loading screen and a Make-A-Wish kid have in common?
They both couldn't make it all the way.
What do the Flintstones and the building next to the Twin Towers have in common? They both live next to the rubble.
What is an orphan's favorite quote in Star Wars?
"I am your father!"
What type of cake can't orphans eat?
Home made.
Three unlucky jungle explorers were captured by a band of cannibals. Whilst being tied to three respective stakes, the chieftain announces that the hapless adventurers were about to die.
"After you're dead, you'll be skinned. The skin will be used to increase our canoe armada, and the rest of you will be food for us and our families."
This announcement was met with gasps of despair from the bound trio.
"There is one small favor I can offer you," the chief went on. "We'll let you choose your own method of death from what we have captured from other explorers."
Some of the tribal members begin walking by, displaying various implements of war and death.
The first explorer chose a crusty-looking musket. Thankfully, the powder load still fired, and he was dispatched without much fuss.
The second chose a knife and quickly drew it across his throat.
Both carcasses were hauled off by various tribesmen.
The third explorer stood there resolute and deep in thought.
After a few moments, the chieftain said, "There is no escape, you need to decide now, or I'll decide for yo..."
"Do you have a fountain pen in any of that junk?" the explorer interrupted?
Baffled, the chieftain sent two of his men to rummage. They came back bearing the pen and a bottle of ink.
When the explorer noticed the ink was Noodler's Baystate Blue, his grin spread from ear to ear.
Gathered round the explorer, spears in hand, the cannibals looked on as he was released and set to work filling the pen with ink.
Confused, the chief began to speak, "I'm afraid we have no paper, and even if you wrote a final letter, we'd have no way of sending it anywh..."
Cackling with triumphant glee, the explorer raised the pen into the air and began ramming it into his torso, nib first, again and again. He then fell upon the ground gasping a death rattle.
Horrified, the chief drew close as the man beckoned him for one final word.
"But why this painful death? When you had so many other more merciful options?" the chief asked.
Laughing, the man gasped his last statement into the chief's ear, "You'll make no boats from me now, and your mouths will be blue for months!"
What's worse than ten babies nailed to one tree?
One baby nailed to ten trees.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where's popcorn?
What does the drummer call his twins? Anna 1, Anna 2.
What does a house wear? Address.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD
What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.
What do you call a fish with no booty?
What do you call a fish with no neck?
What is red and white and goes 200 mph?
A baby in a blender.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
What's the best way to remove gum from hair?
Cancer.
