Whats jokes
Q: What do you call a person with Down's syndrome who smokes weed?
A: Baked potato.
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, "I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"
Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"
The teacher grabbed Billy and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, "Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."
That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"
Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"
Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."
Billy sat up straight and said, "I KNEW that damn thing had wheels!"
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.
What does a zebra and I have in common?
We both have stripes.
What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?
"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."
What did the police say on the TV during 9/11?
"Call 911!"
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.
Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?
An RCXD (remote control explosive).
What did one God say to the other?
"I will die to be a man."
Why don't orphans learn about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple always gets picked!
What’s the issue with 9/11 jokes?
They never land.
Just like the planes.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
This is not a joke. Have you ever thought about it? You’re an emo while wearing black. So what if you are black? Does that mean you’re an emo because you are black and emos wear black? ;)
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"
The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"
The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"
The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a razor blade?
A: Depends on which wound bleeds faster.