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What do you call something that has 50 legs but can't walk? 25 disabled people!

What are the similarities between a 14-year-old pregnant girl and her unborn fetus?

They are both thinking, "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me."

My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.

What’s the difference between 9/11 and a dead cow?

You can’t milk a dead cow for 20 years.

Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.

What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.

Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?

A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture.

Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb. I said, "Awww, are you an orphan?" He said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!

A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.

The boy asks, "What gave me away?"

The man responds, "Your parents."

What do you call the longest reigning monarch?

The queen? No, she dead.