So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
What is the best part about having sex with 43 year olds?
There are 40 of them.
What do you call a snail without a shell?
Dead.
What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.
What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
What’s the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...
You get to meet Chris Hansen!
What’s twelve inches and white?
Nothing.
What did the banana say to the peel?
“Let’s split!”
What did the triangle say to the circle?
"You're pointless!"
So this guy we talked to wanted me to leave forever, and we said, "What? You never want to hear from me again?"
What's long and can never wait for more for the ladies' action and likes when it gets harder...
Your penis!
What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
What do you call a dick playing badminton?
A shuttlecock.
What was the winning play at the leper football game?
A hand off up the middle.
What do you call a band made of cheese?
Grate That!
What would a clock look like with no numbers?
Timeless!
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.
What did the dick say to the asshole?
You need another dick.
Whats the difference between NASA and religion
NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers
What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.