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Whats jokes

I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.

He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.

What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?

Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.

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    • So I was looking through my pictures and I found a picture of a random kid that took a picture of his ugly face. It looked like someone that got hit by a car, then a bus, then a semi.

    That’s what I get for not having a password on my iPad.

    What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?

    My stepdad beat my ass before he left.

    What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?

    "How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"

    what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.

    A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!

    Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"

    Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"

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    • What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?

    They can both do dirty things.

    What comes after 611? 711.

    What comes after that? 811.

    What comes after that? George W. Bush.

    What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."

    What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?

    The feminist is overweight.

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    • Friend: I got bit.

    Other friend: By what?

    Friend: A dog.

    Other friend: (Runs away and the next day you know everyone is wearing a mask and the friend gets expelled because of rabies.)