A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ. "My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!!" And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul. WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS And so he did.
If you are dehydrated you should get well soon.
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!
A 6 year old girl decides to get baptized, she walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her In the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl was drowned and died... later on when the pastor was better and thrown in jail. All he had to say to the mortified family was “well, at least she’s in heaven!”
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: "Well...We're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny's father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" HIs father is confused. "What do you mean?" He asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
“Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile. “May I help you?”
“I was wondering,” whispers the man, “are you the one who gives the handjobs?”
“Yes,” she purrs, “I am.”
The man replies, “Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.”
“Well,” he says, “It’s what mommy calls me sometimes.”
The little girl screams, “Don’t eat it! It’s a fucking asshole.”
One day whilst walking up a hill, Jack saw a prostitute named Jill. Jill was dressed in kinky, leather gear that made Jack really really horny. Jack who hadn't stuck it in for a few weeks was keen to ask this sexy young maiden how much she would charge. "1 buck for a suck, 2 buck for a fuck" she said as she stroked his ever hardening one-eyed snake. "Yeah, i'll have both of them" said Jack who was about to cum in his trousers. So Jill led Jack to behind the well, and they sucked and fucked for an hour. After that they both contracted AIDS, and died of it as they did not see a doctor. THE END
Well tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey
A man decides on a day that it is time to buy a pet. He goes to the pet store, looks around and sees a beautiful parrot, sitting quietly on a stick in his cage. Yet the beast has no feet and paws. "What is the matter with you?" the man thinks aloud. "Well, that's how I was born, I'm actually a faulty parrot" says the bird. "Haha," the man laughs, "it seems like that parrot understands what I'm saying and even answers!" "I understand everything you say, I am extremely intelligent and very well educated," says the bird. "Well, if you're so smart then tell me how you can stay on your stick without legs." "Well," says the parrot, "it's a bit embarrassing, but okay, I wrap my little parrot penis around the stick, like a hook, but I hide that with my thick feathers." "Wow, you really understand everything I say, do not you?" "Yes, yes," replies the bird, "and I speak Spanish and English fluently, I can speak on a level about almost everything, politics, religion, sport and philosophy and I specialize in bird science, you should buy me, I am also a very good friend for you. " The man looks at the price tag, 200 euros is on it. "Sorry, I can not afford that." "Psst," whispers the parrot as he beckons the man with his wing closer. "Nobody wants me because I do not have legs, just bid 25 euros and you can take me with you." The man offers 25 euros and walks 5 minutes later with the parrot out of the store. A few weeks pass. The parrot is sensational. He is fun and interesting, gives good advice, is sympathetic to everyone, in short; the perfect roommate and friend. One day the man comes home from work and the parrot says "Pssssssssssst" while he beckons his wing again. The man comes close to the cage. "I do not know if I should tell you this," says the parrot, "but it's about your wife and the postman." "What!?" says the man. "Well, the postman came to the door and your wife greeted him in a nothing disguised nightgown and kissed him flat on the mouth." "And then," the man hisses, "What happened then?" "Well, the postman came in, grabbed her nightgown and started caressing her everywhere." "My God," says the now furious man, "And what else did they do?" "Then he took off her nightgown, went through his knees and started to lick her everywhere, starting at her breasts and getting further and further down." "And then, what happened, what else did they do?" the man screams . "No idea," says the papgaai, "I got a boner and thundered off my stick ..."
Did yo uhear about Hellen Keller falling down the well? She screamed her little fingers off
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.
The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.
The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"
I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said; “Well, that’s a little condescending.”
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park. Lord: Has something happened while I was gone? Gardener: Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burrying your dog. Lord: My dog died?! Gardener: Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down. Lord: My mansion?! How?! Gardener: Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains. Lord: Why was she so distraught? Gardener: She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped. Lord: My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?! Gardener: Oh right! Your cancer test results!
Find Jaiden. Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Jesus Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Jaiden Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke.
Jaiden got lost after i looked for Jokes. Also the Category is Jesus because Jesus got lost as well
So my mom said did you do your homework well I say yes and in the hour I yelled this is fake not real 😅😅😅
Me and Jesus are really close he even turns the light on for me when i go pee in the middle of the, well that is what i thought until the fridge was wet.
sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by colonel sanders. he asks them, what is your occupation? they respond we are semen. so he says well you better wash up cause i'm finger licki'n good!
So my brother said we should start a band and I said I already had a band...so I gave him my band and said he was talking about music and I said well I do have a trum-bone ;)
There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to burry them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but second guy refuses the meal.
When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.
In heaven, an angel asks him why.
“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat though.”
