I know five fat people, and you're three of them.
Your mum is so fat, when she sat in a monster truck, it turned into a lowrider.
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
Have you ever felt an earthquake? It’s not nature; it’s Brandan Bressler.
When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.
My friend talking to fat boi: "I can order you at McDonald's: Double Big Mac, triple quarter pounder cheeseburger."
Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.
Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.
Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.
Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.
This will take a ton of time.
A skele-ton.
Q: How heavy is a photon?
A: It's light!
I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.
Yo mama so fat, she's the reason why Slenderman has no eyes.
Why are cheetahs the best animals?
The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour.
A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds.
Cheetahs are extremely fast; however, they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue.
Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms.
One way to always recognize a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines,” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances.
Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs.
While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day.
A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away.
Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision.
With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight.
Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.
Why couldn't the button get off the couch?
Because his butt weighed a ton! (butt-ton)
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
Your mamma's so fat, the aliens call her their mother ship!
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.
You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
