Back
Week

Week jokes

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.

The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.

  • 2

    • So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."

    So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,

    "Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."

    I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?

    So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

    An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.

    "I will see her in one week!"

    A week later, he died.

    Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.

    Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...

    What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?

    "Here's the beef of the week!"

    A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.

    A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."

    A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."

    <2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*

    Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."

    My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"

    The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."

    A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."

    My friend Joe was a great hunter. He always shot like 3 deer every week.

    He was even better at school when he bagged 30 of them.

    Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."

  • 1