Weed jokes
Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!
When midgets smoke weed, do they get high or do they get medium?
When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?
I was gonna clean my room
before I got high.
My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...
"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
What do you call a best friend that smokes weed?
A pothead. Just because he's your friend, you don't have to support his poor decisions. Jeez, what has America come to?
Do the French people smoke weed or oui'd?
What do you call a stoner when horny?
A weed whacker!
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
What do you call 1 normal kid and 2 retarded kids smoking weed?
Pot roast.
Roses are red, I like weed,
If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."
An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"
Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"
Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?
High steaks gambling.
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.