Are you the sun? I can see you from a mile away.
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
"The only way I'd want to be reincarnated is if I can be reincarnated as a man," said the young woman.
"Why?" said her friend.
"Oh, I don't know, just men are so cool,"
"Is that the only reason?" said her friend.
"Maybe........" said the young woman. "Maybe."
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
What is the best way to make a leaf?
Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!
What do you call a crazy-in-every-way sister?
A sissy.
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
You went the wrong way. Always choose the right path.
Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?
They're the same thing.
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
It's way too soon for Kobe jokes.
They never land well.
The way to stop school shootings is to give children an RPG.
Does that neverending forehead of yours go all the way to Mars, holy fucking shit?
"Nancy be like I sucked my way to the top."
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
Which way is quicker to die? Noose or slitting my throat?
Your mama is so stupid. She fell off a bike and didn't know which way to fall!
Fortnite is so bad that when you try to play, trash is always in your way. LOL
do *nut* get in my way
Why did Stephen hawking die
Cause he would never look both ways
