Who is not allowed to watch PG movies?
Orphans.
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
Would you watch a tree grow? Or a knee grow?
What show do orphans never watch?
"Fuller House."
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.
The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"
The old man replied, "You're the eighth."
My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.
We're taking the orphans to the movies. We are watching Spiderman: No Way Home.
I asked the orphan if he wanted to watch all the Tom Holland Spider-Man movies with me, and he started crying.
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?
WATCH OUT!!!
Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."
The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."
First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"
Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.
"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"
So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."
I was going to buy a watch today, but I didn't have time.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
Tell world's best yo mama joke to an orphan, then watch them cry.
I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.
It really gave me a hard time indeed.
One time I was watching TV.
Mom: Omg, your dad is coming!
Me: Omg, really?
Mom: Sike, I lied.
