Watch jokes

What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?

"Coincidence on 34th Street."

How to make time fly?

Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.

Who is not allowed to watch PG movies?

Orphans.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.

"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"

So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."

"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.

The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"

The old man replied, "You're the eighth."

We're taking the orphans to the movies. We are watching Spiderman: No Way Home.

I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.

I asked the orphan if he wanted to watch all the Tom Holland Spider-Man movies with me, and he started crying.

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!

What show do orphans never watch?

"Fuller House."

Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.

Would you watch a tree grow? Or a knee grow?

What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?

WATCH OUT!!!

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

109 countries can't be wrong. Watch Europa: The Last Battle.

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?

"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."

What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we look through.

Which scary movie did the bear refuse to watch?

The Bear Witch Project.