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Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.
So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!
Okay, guys. Today we're gonna read the Women's Rights of 1920...
Okay, thanks for watching!
Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.
Who is not allowed to watch PG movies?
Orphans.
An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."
He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
I wonder if Stephen Hawking has ever watched Avengers: Endgame... Oh wait, he can't.
You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.
I played the Angry Birds theme while watching a 9/11 documentary.
Watching porn.
Watching porn blow my dick like a basset horn.
Yo mama's so gay that, after watching Aladdin, she tried to fly on a pride flag!
I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.
It really gave me a hard time indeed.
What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?
WATCH OUT!!!
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
You're walking alone on a street when a person slaps you with a silk glove and runs away. As you watch them run, 2 cops are chasing them.
We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class and I said, "Man, they are really bad at Jenga!"
I was watching T-Series and I thought to myself, "Man, this sucks!" My sister watches James Charles, and he always says, "That's T-Series." So is it him? SUB TO PEWDIEPIE! UNSUB TO T-SERIES! THEY SUCK!
Balloon 1: Watch out for cactus!
Balloon 2: Where is cactussssssss?