Watch jokes

What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?

"Coincidence on 34th Street."

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"

Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"

"Our wedding video."

What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?

The doctor taking off his watch.

How to make time fly?

Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.

Who is not allowed to watch PG movies?

Orphans.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.

"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"

So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."

I asked the orphan if he wanted to watch all the Tom Holland Spider-Man movies with me, and he started crying.

I watched a documentary called "Redline Carrera: Birth of the Memes." It all started with Paul Walker.

What show do orphans never watch?

"Fuller House."

I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.

What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?

WATCH OUT!!!

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

We're taking the orphans to the movies. We are watching Spiderman: No Way Home.

Would you watch a tree grow? Or a knee grow?

"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.

The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"

The old man replied, "You're the eighth."

109 countries can't be wrong. Watch Europa: The Last Battle.

Which scary movie did the bear refuse to watch?

The Bear Witch Project.

What were Paul Walker's last words?

I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"