There was a car accident and the cops pull up to the crime seen to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said what happened here she responded by saying a car crash. They then asked but how did it happen, she responded the cars crashed into each other. They finally said but why did it happen. The lady said oh i know where your going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas peddle the car goes forward and they both pushed it so they both went forward and hit each other. One cop said never mind ma'm and they stared walking away. The blonde lady then said oh and officers my computer froze do you think i should put in the microwave or in the oven?
3 blonde were walking on a path, the first blonde said, “Hey look there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way those are totally duck tracks,” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh those are” then they got hit by a train.
A man sits in a bar and get seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics. The bartender asked, "What's wrong sir?" The man reply's, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me." The bartender says, " put 20$ in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash." So the man walks out the with 20$ he put in his shirt pocket. The next day the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?" The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me 20$ bucks for the wash." The wife pull out the money. "There is 40$-", says the wife. "Oh, he also peed on me he paid for the wash to." The man walks away in belif he didn't get caught by his wife.
so I was walking in a store and a carrot and a lectus said "lectus leaf" to me.
Molly Burke and her mom were on a walk, Molly walked into a bar, her mom laughed and walked under it.
A bear walks into bar and ask the barkeep "Can i have a grilled...............cheese" and the barkeep asks the bear "Whats with the big pause" the bears says "Well I'm a bear"
A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking he replies "my dick and balls"
What has two arms and two legs but can’t walk or run ??
Stephen hawkings
a depressed guy walk into a utensil store and finds a knife but he didnt stab himself.... part 2 coming out tommorow
a cow was walking down the road and it saw a beautiful cloud in the sky so it said "that is an a-moo-zing cloud'
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is the bar tender here?"
so a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says "you cant be here"
and the mushroom says "why i'm a Fungi"
Why did Helen Keller walk in on someone in the bathroom? Because she didn’t know it was the bathroom
Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? here's a good example...
A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apperently) through out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "why are you running?" "My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!" They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?" "Grandma farted and the house blew up!"
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A red head, a dark haired, and blonde walk into a bar and agree to fly to the sun! The blonde states " I agree let's leave at night "!
A squirrel walks up to a tree and says "I forgot to store acorns for winter so now I am dead" haha it is funny because the squirrel gets dead.
A woman walks into a bar, and says ow.
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals, they are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit, they go in and the first man comes out with a peach, he is instructed to shove it in his ass and if he laughs he will be killed, he tries and dies, the second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same, when the two meet at the pearly gates the first man says, i had a peach, there fuzzy, you had a grape whats your excuse? "Well i was doing fine until I say jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple.
You're walking alone on a street when a person slaps you with a silk glove and runs away. As you watch them run, 2 cops are chasing them
