You know what’s impossible Steven Walking
A apple walked in the clinic The doctor asked what his favorite color was The apple said "red" :)
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
three conspiracy theories walked into a bar now tell me that's not a coincidence.
a guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if its relephant. he says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.
A handicap person was making fun of me so I walked away
So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.
Mommy why is my name brick??? mom: When you were a little baby a feather dropped on your head. mommy why is my name rose??? mom: When you were a little baby a feather dropped on your head. Brick walks in "blagudnunag"
DR. what is wrong with me? You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.
Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch Me: Strange...Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?
An alien walks in to a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him and the alien touches his shoulder. The man says do that one more time and I'll run you over. The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says do that again and I'll chop your dick off. He touches him again. The man pulls the aliens pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.
I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.
Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.
Your walking on the street when you realised that your in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
A few male neighbors acme over the house to take a shower, because for some reason their house didn't have water. A few minutes later I walk into the shower I see the male neighbors and mom taking a shower together. Then I said what are you doing they all say were taking a shower together so we could save water.
Most embarrassing moment during sex, GO!
James Arnold: my grandma walk in while I was knife raping my wife.
Hitler walked so Kim can run
Jesus walked so Mohammad can fly.
Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"
"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."
Now, how about that drink?
A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”
