Wait Jokes

After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"

The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.

"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.

The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?

Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.

Guy 1: Don't you?

Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.

Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#

**Meow...**

Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3

Kid: Imagine being an orphan!

Parents: Look who's talking, not you 'cause you ain't got no one to talk to! *vanishes*

Kid: WAIT, WHAT!

Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"

Friend B: "I was until last night."

Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"

Friend B: "Your sister."

Friend A: "I don't have a sister."

Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."

The text reads, "The doctor waiting for the parents to stop crying about their dead son so he can announce the $300,000 medical bill." Below the text is a close-up of a man with a slight, almost uncomfortable, smile and a white coat.

I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.

When you ask an orphan to come over:

Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"

Orphan: "Yeah, sure."

Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."

Why do-- wait, what am I saying? What am I talking about?

Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?

Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.

Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?

Orphan: About 200 years.

If you're waiting for a waiter at a restaurant, aren't you the waiter?

Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.

Which do you choose?

The department of touch yourself is coming to the UK near you. I hope Scotland gets freedom. I can't wait to leave England and live in Scotland.

It's kinda sad seeing you attempt to put your whole vocabulary in one sentence. Oh wait, you only said three words.

Just told Putin to get some b*tches.

Waiting for 3801 missiles to strike my house.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

Ur hairline is like a Fortnite map at the start of a new season waiting to be identified.

Long live the quee—Oh wait...

I arrived at a restaurant early and the manager said, "Do you mind waiting a bit?" I said, "I don’t mind," and he said, "OK. Take these trays to table 9."