US jokes

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.

Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.

Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.

Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!

Yo momma so slutty, she could use a tank truck as a dildo.

Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."

Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.

What kind of flower do orphans use to bake bread?

Self-raising...

Egg shaped, dome, bowling ball lookin' ass, bald fuck with that 360 degrees ahh head, motherfucker look like a damn balloon.

Call me Kobe 'cause I'm finna use your head as a basketball and throw it at yo' parents. Mr. Clean, bootleg Saitama lookin' ass mfer. No hair? :(

Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa.

I used to hate foot fungus, but now it's growing on me.

Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.

You ever notice that the USA could be a part of Russia?

RUSSIA US A

What is the difference between genders and the Twin Towers?

They used to be two, now it's a touchy subject.

Yo mama so fat, Zeus used her as a bowling ball.

What do lesbians and mechanics have in common?

They both use strap on tools.

The earth used to be flat until your mama was buried.

Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.

T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎

You're so bald that Disney uses your head for movie scripts.