US jokes
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.
What do lesbians love to use in art class?
Scissors.
Why can't orphans use iPhones?
They can't find the home button.
What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."
Memes
Troll your friend by saying "I" and saying "cup," and then tell them that that means "I see you pee."
LOL
There is also "lettuce cup," which means "let us see you pee."
Your hairline is so bad that they used it as trenches in the World War.
One day a teacher says: "What does a pig give us?"
A student says: "Bacon!"
The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a chicken give us?"
A student says: "Eggs!"
The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a fat cow give us?"
A student says: "Homework!"
The whole class laughs.
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
Your momma's so fat, she had to take a selfie using the Hubble telescope.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Why do orphans not buy a keyboard? Because they can’t use the home button.
Name what guns are used for. {wrong answers only?}
Why are bees' hair always sticky?
Because they use a honeycomb...
Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.
Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."
Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."
To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"
What flowers do orphans use?...
Self-raising flour.
Momma's so fat, she can use her belly button as a breakfast bowl.
I used to be a man in a woman’s body. And then I was born.
Isn't a gaming console something people use to not be alone?
THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE 50% OF THE GAMES OFFLINE?!??!?!
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: I don't know why.
Man: Because they have a family plan.
Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.