What do turtles use to communicate?
A shellphone!
US Jokes
Why was the bee’s hair sticky?
He used honeycomb.
Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...
Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.
Sonic can run around the world in a second. I can do it in 0.5, but Chuck Norris has already done it before us.
GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?
Me: My sister.
SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.
I’m only curious how they closed his casket.
Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!
Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.
Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.
What do lesbians love to use in art class?
Scissors.
Why can't orphans use iPhones?
They can't find the home button.
What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."
Troll your friend by saying "I" and saying "cup," and then tell them that that means "I see you pee."
LOL
There is also "lettuce cup," which means "let us see you pee."
Your hairline is so bad that they used it as trenches in the World War.
One day a teacher says: "What does a pig give us?"
A student says: "Bacon!"
The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a chicken give us?"
A student says: "Eggs!"
The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a fat cow give us?"
A student says: "Homework!"
The whole class laughs.
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
Your momma's so fat, she had to take a selfie using the Hubble telescope.
