Unwrap jokes

What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.

What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.

I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.

What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!

Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

What did Sally get for her birthday? A football!

Only joking; she hasn't opened the box yet.

What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?

Nothing because they can't open the gift.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.

Father: "Son, you were adopted."

Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"

Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."

How to tell your kid he's adopted:

Son, I'm a virgin.

One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An envelope.