Unit jokes
Canada United States Mexico
C U M
Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.
What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?
Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔
Gallons (DYM 113).
"Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!"
"What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!"
"They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!"
There are three states you don't mess with when trying to take over the United States:
Alaska because they have three times more guns than people because of the bears.
Texas because, well, it's Texas. Where else have all of the guns been going?
Lastly, Florida. Florida is the absolute definition of Trigger Happy Redneck.
How did the United States become a country? It broke all of its states.
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle?
A meter stick.
How many feet are in feet?
Why do G-Unit and C-Unit stand for? Gorilla unit and chimpanzee unit.
Yo forehead is so big it couldn't even fit in the United States.
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?
Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
He’s not dead, just his storage unit.
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
In our history class we were on our China unit and learning a little about gunpowder.
And I said "WOAH THAT'S LIT!"
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.