My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.
Type Jokes
Q: What type of mother gives their daughter sperm? A: A furry mother.
What type of jam can you not eat?
Traffic jam.
What type of bees give milk?
Boob-bees.
One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!
There's two types of emo people:
1. People that cut side to side.
2. And people that cut up and down.
The most efficient is up and down.
What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole?
A pedophile.
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
What is the best type of snake?
A dead one.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
Two wind turbines are standing in a field.
One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The other says, "Well... I'm a huge metal fan..."
What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?
A pedophile.
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.
A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!
Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
What's a pedophile's favorite type of shoe?
White Vans.
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.
What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?
A kindergarden.
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.
