Try jokes

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

So, this woman woke up since she had a bad dream and was yelling about her bad dream. Then, in the bed, her husband woke up and said, "Hey! You just woke me up in a sweet dream!" She said, "Oh, sorry babe." Then she asked him what his dream was about, and he responded like, "I was with a woman; me and her was in the middle of dreamy sex; you just ruined it!" She said, "AAAAh!" He asked her what her dream was about, then she replied as, "I was trying to suck a man's penis, and a cock trying to get cummiee out of it!"

1. Your brother says... “you look ugly.” You say back... “Nice, I was trying to look like you.”

2. You're so dumb, I'm surprised you even made it to kindergarten.

3. The ugly vowels: A, E, I, O, and YOU.

A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”

The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”

Me: Have you ever tried African food?

You: No.

Me: They haven't either.

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?

So Little Johnny saw a robbery, so he tried to stop the robber. To the robber's surprise, he was amazed. So Johnny got 20 shots to the head. The End.

Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to eat Eminem. 🎤😎

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

Gemini, it is you who is trying to start such a big mess for no reason. I never said it had a charm or a lead roll. I just want love and spread kindness. PS: I use my brain. I use it all the time, just for your information. I just hope we can be friends.

Best, Gwen

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.

In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.

The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.

The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.

I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.

Put Helen Keller in George Floyd's position. How would she cry out for help? Would she just moan, or would she try to do sign language?

The emo kid tried to give the tree a high five. Unfortunately, the tree left him hanging...

I tried to make a website for orphans.

Sadly, I couldn't make a home page.

What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?

An ingestigation.

A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!